I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize