I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize