so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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