i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
