i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
