I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
