So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
