i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
