am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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