I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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