the condom got lost in my hair
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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