alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
