you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Be still, my beating vagina.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
