i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
