Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
