My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
