You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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