My brain says no but my pants say off.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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