Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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