WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish you could order shots online.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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