I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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