can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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