I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
