The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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