Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
