All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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