so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
