Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
