Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
