i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
