Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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