Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
