Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My liver just broke up with me...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
