I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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