I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
