Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
