I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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