Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
