She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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