Little spoons don't ask big questions
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
