haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
