Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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