The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
