I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
