wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
