and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
