you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
