Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
