mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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