i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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