420 ftw
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
