I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
