Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
