I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
