According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize