If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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