I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
