My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
