lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize