nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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