I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
