Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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